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Grief is a bitch

Updated: Jul 28, 2023

It was a Thursday night and I was planning on heading from Lansing to Detroit area to visit family and show them the van before heading out that following week. I had been texting my mom that night telling her i was coming and wanted to her to finally see the build but she never responded. She was always saying she wanted to see it but that she was super worried about me traveling. That next morning (Friday) I woke up and receive a phone call that she had passed away. Cant tell you the pain I felt at that moment. I have had a complicated relationship with my mom due to her addiction problems and had to set quite a bit of boundaries over the years. But at that moment, all of the anger and disappointment went out the window and all that was left was pain, guilt and lots of tears.


That whole week was a blur including the funeral. Trying to set up and prepare then to have to be attentive to everyone there all while trying to wrap your head around the loss was more than overwhelming....after everyone cleared out and the room was emptied, I stayed a bit longer. Leaning over the table that her ashes had been placed I felt like my chest was torn open and it all came pouring out.


I knew I needed to get on the road and start this journey, the grief was going to be with me wherever I went so might as well be in nature. We requested to have her separated into 3 urns - one for my sister, one for me and a small travel urn for the road. This felt good knowing I would have her with me and could spread her in beautiful places all over the country!



My first destination was Colorado and the 3.5 weeks Ive been here I found three places to sprinkle a little bit of her. Here's a video of my favorite spot. It was a 6.7 mile hike in Golden Canyon State Park called Burro trail to Windy Peak. When I was at the top I took this video and if you pay close attention...as soon as I let go of the ashes, a HUGE gust of wind comes out of nowhere. It was so amazing!




I love and miss you mom....Im so glad I can have you on this journey and show you places you never got to see.

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